Phew, what’s with 2019?! It’s an intense, exciting, and full-speed ahead year, isn’t it? I’ve had a lot of things going on especially in trying to reconnect with all the friends I hadn’t seen since well before I went back to Iowa with the Holidays. If you’re looking for more recent updates, look out for my upcoming posts on Instagram & Facebook to get you up to speed! Otherwise I’m trying to get back into the swing of writing and preparing some more regular blog posts!
This week is a follow up to my post from way back in August, Finding Friends. Just a reminder I was discussing the struggles that come along with making friends as an adult and I shared a few of the ways I was going about this. One of the ideas I mentioned was trying a “dating” app to try to meet new friends. Well, I tried it and here’s what I have to say.
Last Fall after writing about my current friend situation I downloaded an app called Bumble. Originally this app was created with the intention of helping people to meet and inspire romantic relationships however now the app has evolved into a much larger networking tool.
Overview of the App:
There are three different modes to the Bumble app depending on what you’re looking for:
- Bumble Date: which you sort through hoping to find potential people of interest to go on dates with, with the intentions of looking for a romantic relationship
- Bumble Bizz: which is designed to help you to meet to grow your network in a professional sense (which I have not tried and don’t really know how it’d work…)
- Bumble BFF: caters towards like-minded individuals looking to build friendships.
Once you download the app and select your mode, then you have to make a profile. Your profile includes a variety of images you select, and a short biography blub. You can also choose to share some additional basic info like where you work or where you went to school. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen that someone out here is also from Iowa or the Midwest and that instantly helps you build a connection! You can answer other basic lifestyle questions like if your single, if you have kids, or if you’re new to the area to further define who you are and help identify who might be a better match! You can also set some limits to further narrow your search by age, gender, and distance!
Then once you create your profile, you’ll be shown a collection of other people profiles that you can swipe right (for yes, they seem like a great match) or left (no I don’t think we’d probably work out) At first, this was weird for me. When you use an app like this for dating motives, you can obviously tell if you initially attracted to them physically and by their biography, however when you are looking for friends, I don’t particularly care about your physical appearance. In the beginning I felt guilty for judging women based off of these limited descriptions and her physical attributes. With that being said though, you do generally get a sense of who you’d be more compatible with for example someone who says they’re super passionate about heavy metal bands and is looking for a friend to attend those kinds of concerts with— it’s probably not a great match for me. So, my approach is I try to keep as open of a mind as possible while being a little realistic. I try to find one or two things we have in common and then build from there. If you both approve of each other’s profile, then you “match.” Once you’re matched as a potential pair, then you have the ability to message one another and learn even more about each other and make plans to meet in real life.
Once I started matching with potential new BFF’s, women were constantly messaging me wanting to meet up and grab dinner! I went on my first friend date (for lack of a better term) to get ice cream— and she was great! We got along great and found that we have some similar interests but enough differences to learn about one another. At this point I was feeling very optimistic and excited! Then, before I knew it though it started to be a lot! People wanting to go do something every night of the week which just isn’t realistic or attainable both when it comes to time and money so… I reached out to the first girl I met and reconnected with her. Turns out that she was facing the same problem: too many to meet, too little time! So, we decided together that we should plan a group date. She’d invite people wanting to meet her and I’d do that same—combine forces. So that’s what we did! We planned a get-together at Malibu Winery (always my go to) and invited about 10 women to join us!
Once the big day came, neither of us knew what to expect because sometimes a group setting can be intimidating and interesting not knowing how one another would interact (or in this case not even who some of these women are.) Let me just say though, despite our hesitations, I truly don’t think it could have gone any better. Yes, we were an interesting group of ladies, all different ages, backgrounds, careers, interests, yet we all got along great! We shared stories over wine and snacks and just had wonderful conversations the entire day.
The beauty of it was would we all have individually met at a different event and connected and bonded, no probably not. Would we all have normally thought we’d be a friend group coming out of it, no probably not. We all shared something special that day and it gave us a bond and gave us a reason to stay in touch as a group! Maintaining these relationships, we don’t all get together every time! That’s a lot of work and pretty high expectations of one another. However, we do have a group message and when any of us has an idea of an activity the group might like, we invite one another and whoever can come, does and if it doesn’t interest you it’s totally fine!
This group of women has taught me a lot about friendship, other people and myself and I am so grateful for them! I always look forward to any activities that bring us back together. Since our initial winery date, we’ve gone roller skating, to comedy shows, out for drinks, to concerts, and to museums! We have a lot of ideas on our lists and look forward to more activities in the future!
Now outside of this group I’ve met a few other ladies that I connected with in my initial use of the App we will get dinner or drinks and I invite them to join the rest of us when we can! Outside of these few experiences, I’m no longer using the app! I now feel that between the different group of friends I have out here in LA now, I have enough of a close circle that I try to give everyone the time they deserve to continue to strengthen those friendships! I feel a little guilty that I still have so many unanswered messages on the app and I know there are way more people out there to meet! I’m satisfied though with where I’m at and think it’s best to take a little break and enjoy the ones I’ve already met.
Wrapping it up
This was over all a tremendous experience for me and it has made all of the difference! I enjoyed the freedom and flexibility it gave me in trying to make plans with other people! It’s helped me build my network of friends and has helped me try new things in the city! It’s helped me adjust to the city that much faster! The greatest part of it for me, was that everyone who is on the app is also on there looking to make friends. These people are willing to go out and get to know you and learn more about you! Not everyone is going to become your new best friend and some you’ll connect with more than others (and that’s perfectly ok.) I promise you though, you’ll learn something about yourself with every person you meet, and you never know where the relationship could go.
For me, the group date idea also made it so much easier. Yes, we got lucky we all got along in that setting but also now we continue to do group things and individual get togethers whereas otherwise we might feel like we need to reconnect one on one way more frequently! I do apologize I didn’t try other apps that compare to see which ones work best or which I liked better (because I know there’s more options out there than just Bumble.) But this one served its purpose and it’s honestly been the only thing I’ve needed so I’ve stuck with what works.
If you have tried any of the apps though, I’d love to know what your experience was like and what you thought of it! If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask!